Matthew McConaughey's Life-Changing Advice
I have a secret to share with you...
I have a secret to share with you.
In the past, I didn't tell many people about it because I always thought I had to be "perfect."
I never really told anyone about it because I had a fear of doing it in public.
But my expectations were completely wrong.
The secret is that I play piano as a hobby.
I always thought I had to play every note perfect. I was scared to play in public because I was worried about making a mistake.
But what I realized is that I play piano as a hobby. It should be fun. I should play for others, even if I miss a few notes.
I shouldn't make the unrealistic expectation to hit every note right.
You see, I used to play elite hockey. I've learned to create high expectations for myself.
If I was a professional pianist, it would be different.
But this is a hobby.
Takeaway: sometimes we need to reframe our definition of success.
Matthew McCounaghey has great advice for you:
“We all want to succeed. The question we need to ask ourselves is, What is success to us? More money? Okay. A healthy family? A happy marriage? Helping others? To be famous? Spiritually sound? To express ourselves? To create art? To leave the world a better place than we found it?
‘What is success to me?’ Continue to ask yourself that question. How are you prosperous? What is your relevance? Your answer may change over time and that’s fine, but do yourself this favor: Whatever your answer is, don’t choose anything that will jeopardize your soul.
Prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don’t spend time with anything that antagonizes your character.
Don’t depend on drinking the Kool-Aid. It’s popular, tastes sweet today, but it will give you cavities tomorrow.
Life is not a popularity contest. Be brave, take the hill, but first, answer the question, “What is my hill?” 1
Before you read on, write this down on a sticky note and answer it:
What does success look like at this point of my life?
Living True to You
As I mentioned last week, the #1 regret of people on their deathbed is not living a life true to themselves.
It’s so easy to compare yourself to other people and think you want to keep up with them.
But you don’t have to. The pull of your parents, society, status, and other pressures run below our conscious detection.
You have to remember these two questions:
Am I doing this because I’m actually interested in it?
If I was the only human on this planet, what would I do? Would I do what I’m doing now?
As the great entrepreneur Naval Ravikant says, life is a single player game:
“life is a single player game. You're born alone, you’re gonna die alone, all your interpretations are alone. All your memories are alone and you're gone in three generations. Nobody cares. Before you showed up, nobody cared. It's all single player”2
That might sound a little depressing.
But it’s true. You can’t rely on your friends, family, alcohol, drugs, caffeine, or anything else to make you happy.
While these things matter, what’s most important is your internal compass:
“Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.”
- Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
You have to understand who you truly are. Your definition of success will change over time, but you need to figure it out for yourself what it would actually mean to make you happy.
You don’t have to make more money than your parents. You don’t even have to go to college if you don’t know what you want to do yet.
Of course, making a living is important.
But as Naval also says, having money only solves money problems.
So gain self-awareness by journaling, meditating, solo travel, and unplugging for a few days. Spend time with your own thoughts. It’ll make you happier and give you more clarity on your own life. 3
Success Outside of Work
Redefining success also applies outside of work.
Do things for their own sake.
With no extrinsic reward except the reward of playing.
A author Oliver Burkeman once said, the most efficient way to do a hike is to not hike at all.
Do things for themselves.
Stop living your life just "for the gram."
Explore. Play. Lose yourself in something.
And don't be too serious.
Ask yourself every month: what is success to me?
Over time, the answer will change, and that’s ok. That means you’re growing.
Remember:
What does success look like at this point of my life?
“What would you do if money were no object?”
This tweet and short video was the coolest piece of content I consumed this week.
Here’s an excerpt from the former dentist turned online writer Kieran Drew:
“You invest most of your time either working or thinking about work.
If you don’t love what you do, that’s a massive chunk of your life you’ve accepting as ‘not worth living well’.
But we don’t think about the cost of wasting time until we’ve ran out of it.
Imagine on your deathbed you had to watch a movie of your life.
How angry do you think you’d be when you realise how infrequent the moments of happiness were?
How much would you wish you worked harder to change the situation? And here’s the kicker: It’s not changing career that will make you happy. It’s taking action.
I spent years dreaming about a different career yet doing nothing to make it happen. That sense of hopelessness is horrible. But I didn’t do anything about it until I realised working a career I didn’t love was stopping me from creating one I would.”
Check out the video at the bottom of the tweet below:
https://twitter.com/ItsKieranDrew/status/1684906677382856704
Have a great Thursday,
- BB
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If you liked this, you’ll enjoy my daily short-form writing on Twitter. It’s where I share most of my ideas, stories, and thoughts.
From McConaughey’s incredible memoir, Greenlights
From The Knowledge Project Podcast with Shane Parrish
I’ve heard that psychedelics and psychotherapy are also great tools for gaining self awareness, but I haven’t done either. Not a doctor by the way lol.