The Hidden Cost of Texting

Use Your Mouth More

Have you ever noticed that everyone has their own texting style? Some people use way too many laughing emojis. Girls love lower caps. And if a friend uses a period, I’m like, Oh fuck. What’s wrong? 

But there’s nothing wrong. It’s easy for us to mislead each other. Texting is like having 1.5 billion English dialects on our phones: there’s no user guide or standard rules. [1]

This summer I went to a wedding with a “semi-formal” dress code. What does that mean? Some people wore shorts. Others wore suits. Like texting, it was confusing. 

So, is texting overrated?

Letters

Lady Writing a Letter, 1887

To see how we chatted in the past, look at how our parents text. They send letters.

Believe it or not, letters were the only way we used to stay in touch with many people. You had to pay for ink, paper, and mail stamps. You spent minutes crafting your message by hand. You slowed down to make your black ink legible.

There was no iMessage dialect. You wrote in standard English. Knowing you wouldn’t get a response for days or weeks, you had to be precise and clear.

A mini mistake reminded me that we all need practice. Me and my friend Gavin usually hang out at his hot tub. But one day, we met for an afternoon walk. After I drove up to his house, I didn’t see his car in the driveway. Then I realized: we’re meeting at his office. 

We assume things over text. If we planned our walk on the phone, we would’ve reviewed details. I might have said: “Let’s meet at 2:30. I’ll wait for you at the front of your building.”

Think about how many times you send a text with an asterisk*. Remember the white owl from Harry Potter that carried messages with its feet? Harry couldn’t wave it down mid-flight with a spelling correction: “Voldemort* not vagina!”

In the past you had to be more intentional. But now you can always send another text to clarify. None of us think, how much will this text cost? We don’t have to think about what we say because it’s free. Just like how we don’t have to think about what we eat if there’s free pizza.

Since we don’t have to be clear anymore, it’s easy to have murky messaging.

The solution is simple: talk to people more. 

Choose the Opera

Early Bell Telephone, 1880

Before the iPhone, I heard we used to text with tiny plastic buttons. It was a chore. So we mostly used it to set up calls or meetings. But now texting has replaced true talking. 

So here’s your excuse to be a time traveler. Call your friends. Steer your texts and emails to phone calls. Meet for coffee if you can. In conversation, we discard all dialects. We don’t even have to try to be clear—it’s the default. Whenever you can, chose the opera over piano: use your mouth instead of your fingers. [2]

Talk more.

Notes

[1] 1.5 billion people speak English in the world. Texting dialects are like a Spaniard traveling to learn English in Newfoundland, Scotland, and The South. Impossible to understand and irritating with inconsistency. 

[2] Cal Newport inspired this idea. He called it “conversation-centric communication” in his book Digital Minimalism. 

I loved this quote from the book:

“Conversation is the most human—and humanizing—thing we do. Fully present to one another, we learn to listen. It’s where we develop the capacity for empathy. It‘s where we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood.”

- Sherry Turkle

Special Thanks to

Sandra

,

Elle Griffin

, Tommy Christie, Diana Demco,

Tiff Willson

,

Karena de Souza

,

Sean Filipow

,

Mike Kanaan

for helping me refine these ideas.